Ohaiyo 7 The Merchandise Match
by Taka and Keichirou
Summary: /one shot/ Sanzo has a new out of the way mission and it's the sanzo ikkou's turn for destruction..hahahahahahahahahaha


Ohaiyo 7 The Merchandise Match

By Sukunami Taka

Taka: Ohaiyo there, dear readers…. I must apologize because this is not like the usual ohaiyos….the idea was suggested by Nataku Taishi….hontorni arigato…… I hope that you all enjoy this…..and this is dedicated to you…..hai, all you readers…..

Hair, golden like the sunlight, blew lightly in the gentle breeze, falling into the woeful violet eyes as a slim hand brushed it away in an irritable manner. A heart breaking sigh escaped from the bishonen's deliciously pouted lips, his achingly beautiful face resting nonchalantly upon one hand as two fingers rhytmnically tap against his pale sunken cheek. His long legs were crossed beneath a flowing robe, his eyes moodily watching a falling leaf dipping and twirling in the gusts of wind until it finally landed in a clear puddle, creating ripples across the reflected blue sky broken occasionally by cotton like clouds.

__

Life is ever ephemeral yet is an eternal passage denoted by time….our insignificance passes like each falling leaf through life like the seasons passes each year……….

A boorish voice of a man tore through the contemplating monk's thoughts, simply inviting his lavender eyes to narrow and turned dead set upon the man….along with the simply bored-to-death turquoise eyes of Hakkai, Gojyo's crimson ones and Goku's heretical ambers…his thoughts ended with……

__

How idiotic these preaches are……and so are the people I have to preach to…..hontorni baka…….why do I let myself get into these confounded situations with these lowlife good-for-nothings???????

Fifteen minutes ago………

"NANI!!!!!!!!????????" a nose flaring, eyes dilated with madness Genjo Sanzo was just short of grabbing his holy evil ascending gun and firing it at the cocksure god-forsaken deity who was grinning boyishly at him…….actually….he had already whipped up the gun and is currently firing 20 bullets per second at the head of the youthful boy fighting god, Rokake Taishi, who is laughing out openly in a very jovial mood that threatens to rip every conscious non-deadly will of Sanzo out of his body if not for the very extremely loyal youkais, who don't want to see Sanzo at the risk of angering the god and getting blasted but then it doesn't really matter, hanging onto Sanzo and Hakkai was doing some very fast talking as he desperately dished out every reason he could think of to get Sanzo to stop.

(Nataku Taishi the fighting god is currently unavailable to star in this fic, thus we had to get another god that is boyish enough to aggravate Sanzo to the core-T)

After numerous hair tearing and kicks to the head episodes, Sanzo calmed down enough to start yelling (corrigibly too if you believe) at the ultimately annoying god…..a yelling conversation that went like so….

"YOU IMPIOUS BRAZEN UNMISTAKABLY-THE-FIRST-GOD-TO-GO-TO-HELL-IF-YOU-ARROGANT-BICKERING-NO-GOOD-BONERS-ACTUALLY-HAVE-THE-WILL-OR-THE-TALENT-OR-THE-ENERGY-TO-CREATE-ONE IMP!!!IF YOU THINK I WILL DO SUCH A BRAGGART ATROCIOUS WAY-NOT-DIDACTIC THING, YOU GOT ANOTHER THING COMING, YOU FOUL MOUTHED KILLER!!!! NO WAY WILL I EVER FOLLOW YOUR HALF BAKED CRASS ASININE ORDERS OF A RIDICULOUS VACOUS IDEA!!!!!! YOU IMPETUOUS DOG EARED WAX OF A BOY WITH ABSOLUTELY NO BRAINS AND FOR THAT MATTER ANYTHING ELSE THAT CAN BE SEEN SEE-THROUGH CRUMPET!!!!!!!!!"

(the above line is meant to be said in one breath…..Sanzo evidently has good lungs and vocabulary…-T)

Meanwhile, as Gojyo looks bored, Goku was somewhere chasing a butterfly and Hakkai was smiling worriedly to the ease the tension that was causing static in the room, Rokake was nodding agreeably, "Wakata des……..but……no do, no get………..Kami-sama, bless his failing heart, told me that I had to get rid of all those chocolate bars that I got from this peddler and I had to pay for it too….but it's too much work and I'm bored…..so you go sell and you get the sutra…..ok?…..hehe…….ja for now!" and with a poof, the deity disappeared….leaving behind an extremely chagrinned with smoke evaporating from his head Sanzo, being held back by Hakkai, looking the non-plussed immaculate person he is……..

So now…..

"Why am I with this always-eating barrel-of-lard garbage-of-a-saru???!!!" grumbled Gojyo, flicking back his silky damask hair like a super model in front of a camera as Goku protested loudly, "I am NOT a saru, you bagang face cockroach!!! I want Sanzo!!!!!" Hakkai smiled, "Mah, mah……Sanzo chose me, so you guys just have to work with each other….."

"SANZO!!!!!"

The touchy volatile monk raised his head, "Group of two only, have to win, Hakkai always win….so Hakkai is chosen….understand?"

"NANDA????!!!!" whined Goku, feelings hurt at having been separated from his monk. Hakkai laughed good-naturedly, "Dai jou bu des, Goku-kun……..we have to get the sutra and Rokake only permitted two-person teams and the losers have to wear womanly clothes and get dunked in the pond…….now…we can't let Sanzo get dunked …..can we?"

Turning a deaf ear to the complaints of Gojyo and Goku, Sanzo tugged on Hakkai's sleeve, "Oi…….the chocolates aren't going to sell themselves…."

"Hai hai…..ne, Gojyo…your stand is over there….have fun……."

---

"Ne, kawaiee one-chan……want to taste something sweet? And I'm not just talking about these super cheap very mouth watering chocolate bars….."crooned Gojyo to a blushing girl sitting upon the table, giggling away….

Hakkai sighed worriedly, "Sanzo-kun……. I think we need to do something…..Gojyo has already sold fifty bars and got fifteen phone numbers….ne, Sanzo….."

"Well……aren't you suppose to be lucky in everything? You are suppose to win this…….."

"Souka….well…….a little something to help won't hurt……."

"HORA,HORA, MIINASAN!" up sprang an extremely kawaiee chibi Hakkai, holding up a big sign and a megaphone is the other hand…. "Buy one, get one kiss from the virgin Sanzo! C'mon ladies! You know you want him! And guys, don't be shy! Buddha loves all and so do Sanzo!!"

Three shocked jaws dropped wide open (Sanzo's one nearly to the ground) as Gojyo guffawed in roars, slapping his leg until tears came streaming out from his eyes, "San……San….hehehhahahahehehehe…..Sanzo kis……..kissing…….hehehehahahahaheheheheeehehahahahah…ACK!!!!" 

The bullet proof monk had leaped over and is now strangling the taboo demon, "One more word and you'll have to kiss my gun! Hakkai! What the hell do you think you are doing???!!!"

"Mah mah, Sanzo-kun…….you said I had to win, so I'm going to……come here please….these lovely ladies are buying some….Sanzo-kun!" Hakkai called from across the square. Looking at him as he was some disillusioned lunatic and should be shot (Sanzo was probably going to if he had not wanted Hakkai there to sell the candy otherwise he'll have to do it himself….) the dubbed 'virgin' monk (Sanzo is currently muttering sorely about how the heck did Hakkai know and for all he knows, Sanzo could have already done it…….he is after all, the corrupted monk…) stomped towards the always happy Hakkai, and with each forceful step, he cursed the human turned demon. When he finally arrived, he glared at the unfortunate girls, who now had mixed emotions….( 1. He's so kakkoiee…..2. he looks so mean……3.is he good in bed?)

"You have got to be kidding!!!….."

"Iya, Sanzo-kun…."

"I'm not….NOT kissing ANYONE……want me to spell it for you, happy boy???!!!!"

"Iya, I know how to spell……now pucker up please….."

"No….."

"you shouldn't be mean….the ladies are waiting…"

"no…."

"sanzo…."

"no…"

"we shouldn't do false advertising……come on…"

"no….."

"sanzo…we have to get the sutra……"

"you did advertising, I didn't…….no…."

"sutra….."

"….."

"sanzo?"

"I'm going to kill you………"

"hai hai…….after you finish all the kissing…….."

" going to hurt you really bad……"

"ok…..open up now……"

"blood dripping everywhere…….."

"hai….be gentle girls….."

"……………………."

"ne, that wasn't so bad, was it…..hehe…."

Sanzo is currently vomiting and yanking on tissues to wipe his mouth…..as colonies of girls and interested passerby flocked to their table…….Gojyo and Goku had given up, they are having too much fun and is willing to lose to see Sanzo continue on his 'mission'……….

After half and hour……….

"bleach…bleh…….arrrggjdajwhforieoeiv…….!#^*)((*(%*%&%%$#!!VJHgjhghjvbjhvbjhbj&^&%(!hbjhgjhgjh^&^*^*&^^&%%LKKJHYYTt11567*^&^^^^&uhjghvhgft6454336687yFVGFGFGfgfyt576tuyghV%^%%&"

gagging and vomiting ensued from the distraught though pretty blond head…..

"ne Sanzo-kun….yah mah tae onegai…….the customers will think you don't like them…….ah, hai customer-san, chocolate?…….Sanzo, one kiss oegai….."

"you slavedriver……who the he**….that's a guy!!!!!"

"Sou….demo……we did promise….buy one get one kiss……."

"how about get one KILL?!!"

"mah mah…..he's just joking…."

"Well? Where's my kiss? Your sure cute, blondie…"

"I'll give you ki……"

"sanzo! Be nice…….."

"I ain't got all day…hurry up…."

"sanzo?"

"………."

"sanzo, those lips have had enough rest….go on……."

"………."

"hey, you shy? Cos I can make the first move……"

"hakkai….."

"hai?"

"I'm going to make you hurt like you have never hurt before….."

"I hope you mean that in the normal way……."

"……………………………….."

"WOW! Your one HOT kisser! Blondie, let's get some……OW!"

Hakkai pouted disapprovingly at the now smiling Sanzo rubbing his knuckles……..

"he did get his kiss……."

"sanzo…..that's not nice……demo……..it's……funny!! hahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaa….."

"mochiro des…….eh?"

"ohaiyo…..anatawa Sanzo-des?" came an alluring voice….a petite girl with cascading sable hair spilling around her smooth white shoulders stood before them……she fluttered her long eyelashes that framed voluminous golden eyes, her sweet cherry pink lips slightly opened……… "watashi Naesha des……can I have some chocolat…?"

(wow….Naesha from Nataku Taishi fics has just made a surprise visit….oh dear…..trouble….)

"Hai! Would you like rich, normal or mild?"

"Rich….hot….and steamy…..please…."

"eh……tou….anon…..how many?"

"as many as you like…. I can handle it….."

(sanzo is turning redder by the minute)

"etou…….hehe…how about all of them? You see, we have to sell them all…."

"Sou……then do I get a kiss with each one?"  
"hai!"

"but it'll take too long….."

"anon…..what do you suggest then?"  
"I don't know……ne, sanzo-sama….what do you say…?"

"stop touching me…."

"Yoohooohhooooo….Sanzo-sama is so shy…..hehe…"

"stop it…..stop touching me……hey….arre…..ow! hey…….that's a private area………..hey……."

"mah…..it seems she has something else in mind……demo, Sanzo! We have sold all the chocolates!"

"shirruke ke! Get off! Get off me now! Hey!….let go before I kil……Hakkai!"

"anon…..Naesha-sama……you are…um…..ano….."

"Yooohooohoooooo….you're no fun, Sanzo! Che…..fine, I'll let you go for now…….now hurry up to Rokake before he throws the sutra somewhere….yooohoooohoooo…"

"God damn it! That girl is like a mini version of Kanzeon bosatsu! Hakkai, iko! I've had enough!"

---

Epilogue

Well…..poor Rokake got what was coming to him….poor guy…..fighting god for just one day………the certain….um….. 'scene' of the fight has been decided to not be shown because it's um…..abit too violent among other things……but needless to say….it ended with Rokake spluttering in the pond, with confused ducks keeping him company…it'll be some time before he realizes what had happened…if he wakes up, that is……..

We go to the sanzo ikkou…….in their jeep….

"Hakkai…."

"hai….."

"you remember what I said I would do to you….?"

"um………..hehe…..no?"

"hakkai……"

"hai……?"

"why don't I help you get your memory back…..?"

"oh dear…."

"oi Gojyo! Stop hogging all the chicken….!!"

"Hakkai! Watch where you are………..!!!!!!!!!"

Taka: hehehehhahahahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


End file.
